Adventures in Following Jesus

This Blog has been Relocated

2011-03-23T15:46:00.001-04:00

I've moved this blog. There will not be any more updates here.

Please continue to follow me at my new blog at:

wwjl.net

Thanks!
Patrick

Doing Scary Things

2010-08-08T19:51:00.000-04:00

Photo by Oddstock

These are a few of the scariest things
I've become more aware of how I procrastinate on doing things just because I'm afraid. Why? Usually I delay doing things because I don't totally foresee the outcome. I'm afraid of making the wrong choice. I'm not sure which way is the "right" way to do it.

So I put off doing anything. I ignore that something needs to be decided or acted on. I'll wait until another day.

The Antidote
I've found that I have to remind myself of the saying I've heard "If something is worth doing, it's worth doing poorly." Now, I know I can do almost anything poorly. So I give myself permission to do it poorly and I do it. I usually end up with a pretty good result. The other thing I remember is that "If I'm not happy with the decision I've made, next time I can make a different decision."

How have you handled those things that you would rather not face?

The Forgotten Productivity Tool

2010-07-23T05:45:00.007-04:00

The Telephone

How many times have I gotten into an e-mail flurry back and forth with one other person?

How many times have I also CCed people who "might" be interested?

My wise boss (who is one of the unfortunate recipients of the "might be" CCs) has "encouraged" me to PICK UP THE PHONE and call the person rather than e-mail back and forth.

Since practicing this discipline, my productivity has gone up.

What is your favorite productivity tool and why?

Copyright, Fair Use, and Trust

2010-07-22T10:00:00.001-04:00

An Awesome Service

This past Sunday our church had an opening song that was great. An ensemble of ten very talented vocalists sang the Queen version of "Somebody to Love." They did a fantastic job! I knew ahead of time how wonderful it would be so I showed up with my new camcorder. I got a fairly good capture of the performance.

Of course, I uploaded my capture of the performance to YouTube as any good video pirate does...

A New DVD
I bought a new DVD the other day. I was excited that I got it "fresh off the presses." I told some friends about it. One friend wanted to borrow it so I loaned it to him "to watch." He gave it back a week later.

Later I found out that he had ripped a copy to his laptop's hard drive. He then used it as a part of one of his programs. I asked him why did he copy it and his reply was that he was "planning" to buy it.

I felt I had trusted him to not break copyright law by copying the the disk but he had. I felt my trust in him was betrayed.

Conviction

Now, our church is Very Particular about copyright. They go to great lengths to protect copyrights. They pay much to the appropriate authorities to use and broadcast rights for the music that they do.

Once I processed what my friend had done, I realized that I had not been much different from my friend. I had broken my church's implied trust. I couldn't be angry with my friend when I had acted similarly.

I took down the YouTube video.

Love and War - Eldredge

2010-05-04T21:36:00.000-04:00

This is a great book. John and Staci Eldredge have written an incredible description of what their marriage went though and they are now letting us in on how our marriages can be better.

They sum up the whole book on p.92:

"Pressed to choose our "top three things that would most help your marriage," we would come down to this list:

Find life in God.
Deal with your brokenness.
Learn to shut down the spiritual attacks that come against your marriage.

Practice this and nothing else, and you will be amazed at the freedom, love, and joy that will begin to flow."

I think I have never heard wiser advice.

Get this book. You will not be the same after reading it.

Small Group Retreat

2010-04-11T19:50:00.000-04:00

Our first retreat
We got together and spent the weekend together at a friend's house. We had put together an agenda for the weekend together. We developed a mixture of activities that included a John Eldredge video and a Nooma video and guy-fun things.

We ate well by cooking all our own meals. We shot pistols and rifles at a helpless milk jug. We explored the surrounding cities. And we talked. We talked about the videos, we talked about our journeys. We talked about our walks with God. We had a great weekend together.

Has your small group ever gone on a retreat? How was it?

Easter Traditions

2010-04-04T16:03:00.001-04:00

Sunrise Service

Today some friends and I climbed Stone Mountain to attend the Easter Sunrise service. The weather was amazing. The temperature when I left the house was 60F/15C and the wind was reasonable. The service was good. We made the mistake of parking our blanket right in front of one of the speakers. But the message was good and the songs were ancient.

But we had a good time together and went to eat afterward at the Original Pancake House restaurant on Memorial Drive.

This is the second year I've gone and I think going to this service will become a new Patrick tradition.

Easter Tradition

Each Easter I get a chocolate Easter bunny. I always eat the ears first. Always.

What are your Easter traditions?

Taxes

2010-03-28T15:25:00.000-04:00

To the Accountant!

I'd like to say the taxes are "done" but I've done my part. The accountant, who has saved us more than his fee for many years, has to do his part. I didn't get them to him before his guaranteed date of readiness, so they may not be filed by the 15th and I may have to file an extension. But, I'm glad I got them out of my hair for now.

The hardest part for me is getting all of the volunteer miles together. Since we itemize deductions, each mile spent as a volunteer adds up to a significant deduction.

Are yours done? What's the hardest part of getting them done for you?

Stella my friend

2010-03-23T16:38:00.000-04:00

I've got a friend named "Stella"

She's my GPS and I've named her Stella because she tells me where to go. I don't know how I got around with out my GPS. It is such remarkable technology. Stella and I get along fine.

Do you own a GPS? Do you always follow where it says to go?

God's Geeks

2010-03-14T16:21:00.003-04:00

Wycliffe Bible Translators

Wycliffe has people spread around the world working to bring the Bible to every known language. From Wycliffe's site:

Wycliffe works all around the world. Currently our efforts serve languages spoken in more than 90 countries. The majority of the remaining translation needs represent minority languages—relatively small people groups, many of which struggle to maintain their identity in the shadow of majority culture. Often these groups have no written language of their own, and many struggle to gain the literacy skills they need to prosper in the majority culture.

The benefits of translation and literacy for these minority language groups are many. They include better health as a result of access to medical information, economic growth due to the acquisition of marketable skills, and the preservation of culture thanks to a written history. Most importantly, Bible translation brings people closer to God Himself—the One who transforms hearts.

Techie Missionary?

I've been seeking whether God would help use my techie skills to help in the effort to bring the Bible to those who still need it. I went to a Check IT Out conference a few weeks ago with a friend. We learned how important technology is to the translation effort. I feel a tug on my heart. While Wycliffe uses much technology in doing translation work, most of the time the work and expertise in translation is not necessary the same skills as the technology that helps that work. They need techies to come along side of the linguists to help in the work.

Next Step

I'm going this week to spend a day at Wycliffe HQ in Orlando, FL. I will be talking with a number of people about my possible role with Wycliffe. It will be a quick trip but I'll get to see some good friends while I'm there.

Pray for my journey and my possible calling. Thanks!

God's Chisel

2010-03-06T10:29:00.000-05:00

"Thank you Sir, May I have Another!"
[Omega Fraternity Pledge (Kevin Bacon) in the movie classic Animal House]

This period of singleness is giving God a great opportunity - and He's taking it. God is using this as a time of growth for me. I think The Skit Guys skit God's Chisel very accurately portraits the process I'm feeling. I feel He is opening up deep wounds and bringing some healing that will make me more into the person he wants me to be. And it is tough.

How was the Bosnia Trip?

2009-08-29T17:53:00.006-04:00

From Bosnia Youth Workshops 2009

Youth Workshops

The main workshop was the digital storytelling workshop. The youth (ages 10 to 15) were divided by the Novi Most staff into three teams. They were told that this is a contest. They were to make a three-minute story that would tell an new kid about their home town, Capljina. Each team had a Novi Most staff adviser but they all created their own projects.

The three teams all made very good projects. I was able to provide limited guidance since I was unable to understand the actual story in their native language. They all finished their stories and then on Friday evening they were all shown in the city square. Everyone had a good time. One boy even said that he already knew what he wanted to do for his next project.

Encouragement and Support

We spent a good bit time with both Bernard the pastor and with Mick and Ali of Novi Most. They are on the front lines of the battle to bring the light of the Lord in that country. They really appreciated our presence and the fellowship time we had.

All in all, it was a good trip. All the travel went smoothly and all our connections went without a hitch. Will I go back next year? I'm going to wait to see how the Lord leads me. So I can't really answer that now.

Link to: Bosnia Youth Workshops Blog and Bosnia Youth Workshops Picture Album.

North Point Online

2009-07-28T20:41:00.002-04:00

Coming August 16th

LIVE webcast from Buckhead Church! Check out North Point Online

It will be awesome. I'm sorry I'll miss it. We will be in the air heading to Bosnia.

But Officer...

2009-07-18T18:34:00.005-04:00

"Here come da judge..."

Well, I got a little bit in a hurry and I got timed doing 62MPH ( 100kp/h) in a 45 MPH (70kp/h) speed zone.

So I got dressed up in my best suit and headed to court. What amazed me is that I could FIT into my suit! This is the suit that I got married in 17 years ago. Also, my sister and brother-in-law gave me a nice dress shirt and tie that went well with it.

Since I had (had) a squeeky-clean driving record, they reduced the charge to "driving faster than conditions." But I still had to pay a good sized fine. The good thing is that charge won't be reported to the State of GA and appear on my state driving record.

Grief

2009-07-11T13:30:00.002-04:00

Sad Plants

Sad Plants in July 2009

We had lots of rain in March, April, and May. Then in June we had virtually nothing. Consequently, my plants were not happy. Even the daphne was drooping badly.

So I got outside with the hose and gave them all a good dousing. They started responding in a few days.

A Loss

We grieve anytime we have a loss. I have just been reading Captivating by John and Staci Eldredge. This is the Wild at Heart book for women. They are talking in the chapter I'm reading that every woman has a beauty to unveil. And that she brings that beauty to the relationship.

While watering the plants, I was reminded about how much beauty Trudie used to bring to my life. She brought beauty through the plants she planted. She brought beauty through the decorating she did in the house. She brought beauty by bringing her own beauty to our relationship. Thinking about the beauty that is no longer here I got sad. I stayed sad for a number of days. It's probably the closest I've been to actual depression.

Beauty Replaced

I took my sadness and pain to the Lord. He has taught me that He can handle anything I'm feeling. After a while, He taught me to look to Jesus to see beauty. I see beauty in His creation. I see His beauty in the variety of birds and animals. I see His beauty in the variety of plants He has put around me. I see beauty in His love for me that sustains me every day.

I've climbed out from my sadness. I know that I've lost a beauty but I am now more aware that there is so much beauty around me and that it is a gift from God.

Big Dogs Anonymous

2009-06-27T18:39:00.002-04:00

Hi, I'm Patrick and I'm a yip-dog hater,

"Hi, Patrick."

I have to admit, I've had a relapse. I fell off the Big-Dog wagon.

But the yip-dog was so cute. And she snuggled right up to me. And she was soft. She was almost like a cat - in fact, my daughter has cats that are probably bigger than this dog.

It wasn't a REAL dog. A REAL dog is a dog that you can body slam.

But I did stroke her. It was a "slip."

I will take my white chip and pledge to only be friendly to REAL dogs from now on.

Rocky Mountain High

2009-06-21T15:11:00.011-04:00

Rocky Mountain National Park - June 2009

A Day in the Mountains
I took an extra day on my recent vacation and spent the day driving through the Rocky Mountain National Park. It as a great day. The weather was unseasonably cool. The high was about 65F/18C at the park entrance. But by the time I reached the summit, it had cooled down to 30F/-1C. The wind was really blowing. And when I was at the Trail Ridge Store it started snowing. It was great.

Emotional Ambush

I took my camera and, as I usually do, I took lots of photos. [Click the image above and it will take you to the web album of those photos.]

That night I downloaded them to my laptop and started to look through them. Then it struck me - I'm the only one in the photos. Boom. Trudie and I used to really enjoy traveling together. So my sadness was about not having my favorite traveling companion with me. This was a great opportunity to grieve another area of loss. Yes, it was tough - but I've learned that tough is part of the territory and that Jesus is walking with me.

So I let myself feel the sadness and I had a good cry.

I'm A Man

2009-06-18T03:14:00.008-04:00

The Beard Story Morphs

My first digital story was about My Bosnia Story. It was a project that I did during my Basic Digital Storytelling workshop.

My second digital story was supposed to be about shaving my beard and mustache after my having them for 27+ years. I wrote it and liked part of it but I was not satisfied with how it ended. Over the course of six months I would struggle with it and then put it back on the shelf again many times.

I got the chance to take the Facilitator Intensive Training offered by The Center for Digital Storytelling. This workshop gave us perspectives on how to facilitate a digital storytelling workshop in our environment.

So I brought my "Beard Story" to be mulled over by the collective of instructors and fellow facilitator trainees in a story circle.

I was asked deep probing questions about what was the story really about?

This was tough right-brain work that I'm not used to doing. Issues were being uncovered like "what makes a man?" and "do I know I'm a man?" and "how do I know I'm a man?".

I rewrote it and then shared it again with my classmates and the lead facilitators. More layers of the story onion were probed and revealed. I rewrote it again.

Over the course of four days, the Beard Story morphed. It was hard work and my brain felt like mush but I really like this revised story.

Enjoy!

I'm A Man from Patrick Bartkus on Vimeo.

My thanks to Daniel, Amy, Kayann, Christina, Corinne, and all the great folks in our group last week.

Bosnia Trip 2009

2009-05-13T20:06:00.008-04:00

May 16^th, 2009

Dear Family and Friends,

Last year I decided to go on a short-term mission trip sponsored by my church, North Point Community Church. I went to Bosnia and Herzegovina at the end of July. It was a great trip and God used it in my life to help me come to know Him deeper. We also made great friends with those doing ministry in that country.

This year I’ve decided that it will be good to go back. The ministry team in Bosnia and Herzegovina needs our encouragement and support as they try to bring the love of God into the lives that have been deeply scared by past war wounds. We will be working with the same team at the Novi Most Center conducting Youth Workshops for the week of August 16th - 24th. We saw last year how the hurts of the past are impacting the kids. They are living with the baggage of their parents and their grandparents. The Novi Most Center is bringing the light and love of our Lord into those hurts.

I need your help. I need you to be part of my team. First, of course, I need your financial support. The total cost of the trip is $2,600. I’m tossing in a chunk of change for it but I also wanted to give you guys the opportunity to invest in it too. If you decide you want to be a part of it you can make a check out to “North Point Ministries” and send it to me. Or this year, you can go on line and make a donation through the GlobalX web site. There are directions below.

But the main thing I will need is for people to be on my prayer team. I am going to need much prayer through this whole trip. I need my team to be in prayer before we go, to be in prayer while we are there, and to pray for me after we get back. There will be many opportunities for God-moments. And I will need prayer to make the right choice each time. I will need prayer to get what God would want me to show.

Would you please consider being part of my team this Summer?

Sincerely,

Patrick Bartkus

4911 Sturbridge Cres. NE

Roswell, GA 30075

Link to Bosnia Partner: http://www.novimost.org/

On Line Giving Instructions - Bosnia Youth Workshops

Go to www.goglobalx.org

Click on the "give" on the top right hand side of the page.

Fill in your contact information.

Select the "Short-Term Mission Trip" radio button.

Under globalX Trip Information:
- select -Bosnia- in the "Country" drop down
- select -Bosnia Youth Workshops- in the "Trip" drop down
- Type my name in the "Individual" field.

Fill in the Credit Card Information. (They accept Visa or MasterCard)

Click "Review Donation Information" and finalize your transaction.

A confirmation e-mail will be sent to you and will serve as your receipt to use for tax purposes.

Thank you so much for your generosity in supporting what God is doing in Bosnia.

Easter 2009

2009-04-12T11:43:00.005-04:00

Easter Sunrise Service - Stone Mountain

For many years, I used to go every Easter Sunrise Service service at the top of Stone Mountain Park. I even occasionally brought a few braves dates along. It was certainly the earliest date pickup on record (3:30 AM).

This year I decided to restart the tradition. So I left the house at 4 AM and walked up the mountain. I was there in plenty of time. I forgot 1) how rocky the walk up was, 2) how steep the final part is, and 3) how WINDY it is on top of the mountain. I took a blanket but it wasn't near thick enough to stop the 44F/7C degree wind. Next year I'll take a thicker blanket.

Here's a link to my Facebook photo album.

Maytag Repairman Patrick

2009-03-27T16:19:00.004-04:00

Old Washing Machine was sick

Well it isn't THAT old. But the agitator wouldn't agitate. It would only sit there while the bottom part went back and forth, back and forth, etc. So I looked it up online and found a "agitator rebuild kit" and necessary grease. Total cost about $32. So I placed the order.

Today, I got around to tearing into it. It was not easy to find out how all the new parts fit together. But I did it. Now it's happily washing away.

Hike in the Mountains

2009-03-21T17:30:00.005-04:00

Fusion Group hikes Raven Cliff Falls
Fusion is the environment at North Point Community Church where singles get together and do light Bible study and get to know each other.

This weekend our group went to Raven Cliff Falls. More pictures are here. We had a gorgeous day. The temperature was around 60F/16C degrees and it was bright and sunny. The falls were about 2.5 miles (4 K) from the parking lot. It was not a difficult trail but it did have a few "challenging" sections. Most if the trail was beside the mountain creek so it was very picturesque. It was a lot of fun.

Facebook - A God Send or of the Devil?

2009-03-13T17:32:00.006-04:00

Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated!

Hi, I'm Patrick and I'm addicted to Face Book [Hi, Patrick!].

Yes, I'm spending way too much time keeping up with the minutia of my friends lives. It is a time black-hole. It sucks up my time and never gives it back.

Why did I join?
I heard about how great it was from other FB-addicts. So I thought I'd try it.

At first is started innocently enough. I joined and put the minimum of personal information on there. I added a few really good friends whom I care deeply about. I then met new people at various singles events. So I added them. Then, FB showed me other people whom I may know. Why yes, I am sort-of friends with some of them, so I added them. Pretty soon, I had 50 "friends." And then people started finding me, so I added them.

Now, I have 90 friends. Some post things I DO what to know about - these are the posts that keep me coming back and checking for more. These posts feed my addiction.

A lot of them rarely post anything. A few of the post a lot of stuff. Some I don't even care about. I have even dropped a talkative "friend" or two that I got tired of listening to.

Videos
I can share videos that I like by posting links to them on FB. Other friends do the same and I spend time watching them.

Pictures
I love looking at friends pictures. I see people who are important in their lives. I spend time going through not just the pictures they are tagged on. I look at all the pictures in the album.

Events
Friends show links to events that they are attending. I evaluate the links and see if it is something I would be interested in. Maybe it is, usually it isn't but I need to check it out. We have to keep our options open, you know.

Bottom Line

I want my time back. I am turning it over. I know there is a higher power who can restore my on line life to sanity. I have to continually turn my on line life and will over to Him who is able.

Drew is Home

2009-03-11T15:44:00.002-04:00

Finally Home Again!

Brother-in-Law, Drew, was released from the hospital on Tuesday evening. My sister, Millie, is ready for some relief. Drew's brother, Casey, has arrived to help out.

Thanks everyone for praying!

Drew still in the hospital

2009-03-08T16:59:00.002-04:00

New development

Drew's creatinine level was going back up. It was down to 1.5 and then it was back to over three. They did a biopsy and are changing his medicine routine. He's also getting Plasma Pheresis treatment. This will help him not reject the kidney.

Millie is staying with him and is doing great herself.

They both could use more prayer.

Drew recovering

2009-03-05T21:13:00.002-05:00

I'm Home!

I drove back home on Sunday. It was snowing like crazy and the other side of the interstate was mayhem. But I got home OK. Work has been tough. It seems like I've done two weeks worth of work this week. But I am glad to be home.

Drew Update

As Millie reports, Drew seems to have turned the corner. He's constantly on his cell phone now. He has been up and walking around the floor to get exercise. Millie is with him most of the day and then gets home to sleep. I'm glad I was there. I'm glad I'm home.

Slight Set Back

2009-02-27T19:20:00.002-05:00

Drew back in the hospital

Brother-in-law Drew developed a partial bowel blockage yesterday morning. He was re-admitted to the hospital. They said that in 80% of cases, the blockage frees up on it's own after two or three days. Drew has been there almost 48 hours. If he is still blocked in the morning, a decision will be made to operate or not.

Please pray for him.

Millie's Doing Great

Sister Millie is doing well. Her pain level is way down and has been a big help and support for Drew during this issue. We will be at the hospital very early Sat. morning since the doctor he would make Drew the first patient he sees.

Millie & Drew back home

2009-02-23T16:10:00.000-05:00

"There's no place like home..."

Both Millie and Drew got discharged from the hospital today. They are home and my brother is already there helping. I'll be there later tonight.

Millie & Drew's Surgery

2009-02-19T05:19:00.002-05:00

Transplant

My sister Millie is donating her "spare" kidney to her husband today. They will be in surgery at 6:45 AM. The surgeon will call me when they are done. I will update her blog at Millie's World as She Sees It .

Prayer

Please be in prayer for Millie and Drew Leonard.

Love Takes Balls

2009-01-09T21:53:00.004-05:00

Woman explains salvation to man who threatened her

Pauline Jacobi of Dyersburg, TN bought her groceries at the local Super Wal-Mart. When she got in her car a man also got in and ask her for her money. She told him no she wouldn't.

When he threatened to kill her "I said, 'If you kill me, I'm going straight to heaven. If you kill me, you're going to hell.'"

Read her amazing story here: http://www.stategazette.com/story/1294862.html

Out in the Open

2009-01-04T16:07:00.002-05:00

I'm showing the New Face

I'm coming out of electronic hiding. I'm putting my new mug up on the Internet. I got a photographer friend of mine to shoot me at church today. I am pretty well used to it by now. I've been told I look gentler now without the facial hair. I'm probably going to keep it this way for quite a while.

A New Phase

It's a new year and I'm starting a new adventure. I'm going to church singles functions and meeting tons of new people. I'm starting to interact with women more. I'm starting some new friendships and going to lunch with various people. Like all things, it is different and hard in some ways. I have decided to take things very slowly and wait for God to show me what is next.

Goodbye Christmas

2009-01-03T12:44:00.010-05:00

Trudie's humor

As you see, Trudie had a bit of humor about things. These are my antique glass ornaments from when I was a child. Trudie labeled them as shown. [Click the image to see the animation.] I had fun creating this animated image. I used The GIMP which is a free graphics manipulation program (like Photoshop).

Putting the decorations away

Storing away the decorations was sad. It is now officially dreary, drab Winter.

Hi, I'm Patrick - a recovering Control Freak

2009-01-02T09:13:00.003-05:00

Hi, Patrick!

Yesterday, I could stand it no longer!

I have done a lot of work about my Control Freak addiction and most of the time now I can just say "whatever!" But that doesn't mean I'm comfortable with it. I can usually now not mentally criticize how someone else in charge is doing things. And I am grateful for their service.

Now, I limit my expressing my control freak nature by cleaning. When things are clean, I feel that my environment is ordered and controlled.

We used to have a joke about how when I cleaned the kitchen I would deep-clean it to within an inch of it's life. Trudie labeled it "Patrickzizing" the kitchen.

So, yesterday I couldn't stand the driveway and house status any longer. I had to do something. So I got out the rake and the power blower and I blew all the two month accumulation of leaves off the deck, porch, driveway, and - just for good measure - the cul-de-sac street.

I also got out the vacuum and vacuumed the house.

And, since it had been bothering me for a long time, I washed my 240 DL Volvo (yes, in 45F weather).

Ahh! That feels better. Now my world feels more ordered, clean, and more controlled.

I'm sorry for my slip; I'll be picking up another white chip at tomorrow's meeting.

Venturing Out

2008-12-19T20:35:00.006-05:00

The Old Christmas Creche

I dug out the family creche from our childhood. It's not in very good shape and the original cardboard box has seen it's last. The newpapers that Dad used to store the various wood pieces date from 1955, '67, and '71. I've not had it out in many years. The plaster figurines are very beat up but it still makes me smile.

Mixing and Mingling

Monday one of the guys from our small group celebrated his birthday with us and a bunch of other friends. It was my first social venture with a co-ed singles crowd. It was interesting. I kind of go quiet when I'm around a lot of people I don't know and I only knew about six people out of about 30 who were there. So I didn't say much.

I remember how being with other singles is different than being with other married couples. Not better, not worse, just different. I feel my socializing gears shifting back to a mode that I've not engaged in a long time. It will be an adjustment. And I've grown and I have changed much since I was single before.

The Next Phase

I feel like the next phase of my life is about to begin. I've done a lot of grief work in the current phase. And I will probably continue to hit emotional land-mines every once in a while and I'll get to grieve another aspect of missing Trudie. But I think I'm ready to put this behind me. Christmas will happen in another week. I'll grieve missing her for a little while longer but it is drawing to a close.

It is time to start to move on to the next phase. Going to group singles events is the beginning.

Nutcracker in House Christmas Lights

2008-12-18T07:52:00.003-05:00

This is unbelievable. Watch the video:

Meet Logan, The Sky Angel Cowboy

2008-12-12T10:31:00.003-05:00

This is an amazing story. It touched my heart and will touch anyone's who is dealing with a loss.
Enjoy!

Decorating for Christmas

2008-12-06T20:01:00.006-05:00

Today I took time to break out the Christmas decorations. I knew it would be tough work so I got Uncle Bob to come over and help. He helped me setup the tree and to hang all my outdoor lights. He was a great encouragement and a big help.

Grief is hard work

Then I got down to the work of going through all the ornaments. It was tough. Trudie was an "ornament person." By that I mean that every trip we took, she bought one or multiple tree ornaments to remember the trip by. So I was sad going through the boxes of ornaments. I have my favorites but a lot of them are B.M.T (Before My Time). There were some very special ones that were hard to bring out and remember the times they represented. It was tough work but it is the right "work" for me to be doing this year.

It's been a sad day for me but then this is what I need to be doing right now; I need to feel my sadness and walk through my grief to get past it. I know that "this too shall pass."

Gracie Shares

2008-12-05T14:19:00.005-05:00

Ahwww...
Avery says,

I took Gracie out for ice cream. She insisted on sharing with her teddybear.

Don't give up on giving

2008-12-04T08:11:00.002-05:00

Give even when things are tight

Here's a great blog article by Tim Sanders about keeping on giving even when things are tight. I like the quote:

When you give, especially during tough times, you teach yourself that there is enough to go around.

Thanksgiving 2008

2008-11-29T20:00:00.004-05:00

A Good Time Was Had By All

From 2008 Thanksgiving

My sister, Millie, and her husband, Drew, had us all to their house in Charlotte, NC.

My brother John and I drove up from Atlanta on Wednesday afternoon. So did half of Atlanta try to leave at the same time. A normal three hour drive became a five and a half hour drive. Lewis, Avery and Gracie drove over from Durham on Thursday.

Millie, Drew, and John worked all day Thursday cooking. The turkey went in the oven about 11 AM. The "cooked-to-death" green beans started about the same time. There was potato salad, dressing, sweet potato cassarole, cranberry relish, rolls and an apple pie to end off with.

I had a good time with Gracie. She is still in her terrible-twos stage but was pretty well behaved for the weekend.

We finished off the day with a rousing game of "Mexican Train" dominoes. I lost badly.

On Friday, Lewis, Avery, and Gracie drove back to their house. Andy and John did a minor house repair. Millie and I worked on her computers. She had a program on her laptop that would peg her CPU utilization at 100%. I found the offending process and looked it up on Google. Changing the service to start Manual instead of Auto fixed that. Avery was very grateful.

John and I drove back today.

E-mail error ends up on road sign

2008-11-25T20:18:00.002-05:00

From the "I hate when that happens" department

The English is clear enough to lorry drivers - but the Welsh reads "I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated."

Be careful of the e-mail responses you get from your translation department. Make sure they are translating what you want properly.

Read the story at BBC.

Technology is great - when it works.

Anniversary Comes - Anniversary Goes

2008-11-23T20:20:00.006-05:00

At the Grave Side

Here are the pictures of the grave.

The grass right on her grave is having a problem. The replacement sod is not doing well.

I think it is because, while Trudie was an avid gardener, a South Carolina and then Georgia Master Gardener, and she loved most all growing things, she greatly preferred flowers. In fact, she on more than one occasion stated that "She HATED grass." She thought grass was just boring.

So I think it more than poetic that the grass on her "final resting place" is not doing so well.

Of course, Trudie is not there and where she is I believe she has made her peace with all of God's creation, including grass.

How am I doing?

I'm doing well. I'm grieving and know that "this too shall pass."

Thank you so much to everyone who have been praying! I have needed and have felt your prayers. I'm at peace about where I'm at today and I'm looking forward to what God has in store for me in the future.

Holidays

I'm spending the holidays with my family. We will be all together and that will be a good time. I'm looking forward to having quality time with Gracie!

Single Guys Exhortation (to say the least)

2008-11-23T19:06:00.004-05:00

Perry Noble - New Spring Church

This "aside" was made by a megachurch pastor in Anderson, SC.

Watch and see what you think.

Beautiful_02- Single Guys Outtake from NewSpring Media on Vimeo.

Where I agree

Us single guys need to be the initiators. We need to be the ones doing the asking out. We need to hold the door open for our dates. We need to be the ones purposely searching for a woman of noble character.

Where I disagree

I don't think you can just tell a guy "grow a pair!" John Eldredge states, "Remember—masculinity is bestowed by masculinity." We need a father-figure to help us in growing a pair. We just can't grow them on our own.

This is an outtake from a series he did for women titled "Beautiful!" For the rest of this message visit newspring.cc/series/beautiful.

First Major Anniversary

2008-11-03T19:31:00.002-05:00

Our Wedding Anniversary

Yesterday (11/2) was our wedding anniversary. We would have been married 18 years. This is the first of the major anniversaries that I will get to grieve through this season.

I didn't grieve much yesterday. I was not feeling any emotions because I was sick. It's interesting how feeling physically badly will trump feeling emotionally badly.

Today, I wasn't feeling much better but I went into work anyway. I worked most of the day and my boss let me come home a couple of hours early. I'm glad because I will get to get to bed at a decent time tonight. I hope I'm on the mend from my cold. It's been hard the last few days.

Election Tomorrow

I asked to be able to telecommute tomorrow. My boss also approved that and I will be able to go to the polls and vote some time during the day. Tomorrow will be a very interesting day indeed.

Being Sick is no Fun

2008-11-02T10:57:00.003-05:00

It started light

I first came down with what I thought was a cold last Tuesday. I stayed home from work Tue & Wed and felt better and went back to work on Thursday. But the 10 hour day was probably beyond my energy level and then Friday I was wiped out. I did meet with a friend for lunch but I didn't sleep good.

Then it REALLY Hit

Saturday I was on the couch all day. I was able to get up to heat soup and that was about it. I called the church and let them know that they probably needed to find a substitute for me for today. I was scheduled to serve and I hated to give up my spot, but I'm glad today I did.

This Too Shall Pass

I know I'll feel better in a few more days. I've called a few friends to cheer myself up. When I was a kid and got sick, Mom would always get me a plastic model plane or boat to put together. I had a lot of fun assembling and painting those plastic models.

What do you do to cheer yourself up when you get sick?

Facebook Rocks!

2008-10-28T07:35:00.005-04:00

Researcher: social networking trumps porn in web searches

That Ars Technica article headline caught my eye! There is now more Internet traffic for social networking than for porn. I can believe it.

This year, I joined Facebook and now have 38 "friends" that I keep up with. I must admit it is addicting. I find that I login at least once a day and see what my friends are doing. I don't update my status that often. I change it every week or so. I am a firm believer that one can put out TMI (too much information).

Is social networking replacing old-fashioned person-to-person socializing? Or is it using technology to do better socializing? Opinions?

Tommie Powell

2008-10-28T07:04:00.003-04:00

Tommie the Mommy

Born January 3, 1920 Died October 16, 2008

My mother-in-law passed to Glory recently. She was an awesome lady.

She was very active in her church and the choir. They had a group of like-aged folks that called themselves the "XYZ" and was the life of the party whenever they went on trips. She was an expert in Scrabble and practically unbeatable. She also was know to reprimand an AJC columnist if they violated a grammar rule.

When my wife and her sister were growing up, all their friends called her "Tommie the Mommy." She was much beloved by all.

You can read the obituary here.

Mossy Creek Barnyard Festival

2008-10-19T20:16:00.004-04:00

Great Weekend Weather

This was the 29th annual fall Mossy Creek Barnyard Festival. Trudie had done this show since the first year it was held. It was good to go back and spend time with Avery, Lewis, & Gracie. Avery has been an exhibitor for a number of years. Now, the promoters have given Avery the spot that Trudie used to be in. It was great weather all weekend and it was fun to see some of our friends.

It's a Tough Job but Somebody Has to Do It

That is being a grandPop to Gracie. She is now 2 3/4 years old and very much in the throws of the terrible-twos. The screaming show she put forth when she DID NOT WANT to take a nap yesterday was truly three-booths-down head-turning. I did take Gracie to the petting zoo. We had lots of fun together.

I'm Having Way Too Much Fun

2008-10-17T16:03:00.002-04:00

People can't believe it!

I am totally enjoying the reaction that I'm getting when people first seem we without my mustache and beard. It is total shock and awe. I look SO different now. At church last Sunday, they introduced me in the big volunteer meeting as the "new face" on the team. Most people say they like the change. Most people also remark on how much younger I now look. The minimum they have said is that I'm 10 years younger. Some have even said 15 years. I'll take even 10 years younger.

"Pictures Please!"

I've had a number of requests for digital pictures. I will be happy to meet you at your convenience and you can take all the pictures you want :-). I'm having way too much fun to spoil the surprise and I want to see your reactions.

Where's the video?

I had some friends shoot the whole beardectomy process. I have 35 minutes of raw video I will put into a story. It will take time. Please be patient.

Shave Plus 3

2008-10-06T08:17:00.003-04:00

It sho' feels weird...

I've been sans beard & mustache for three days. The barber shop shave was awesome. There's a reason shaver ads compare themselves to a "barbershop shave." My face was as smooth as baby's skin on Friday. So yesterday was the first time I've shaved it myself. It felt so weird to shave areas that I have so carefully avoided for decades.

It also feels weird not to have lip hair to comb. I still whip the comb to it when I fluff my coiffure. Woops! nothing there!

I'm slowly getting used to it. I'm also being mean to some friends. At church yesterday, I walked right up and stood in front of a fellow production team member, he glanced at me, and kept going about what he was doing. I didn't say a word so he had no reason to know it was me. I sent him a message later in the day and he was flabbergasted that he didn't recognize me.

I'm liking it more each day. I think I'll keep it.

It's Done

2008-10-03T13:38:00.002-04:00

I can't believe I did it!

Yes, I did it. I shaved the whole thing off! I'm having a "reveal" party tonight so I won't show you what I look like just yet. This is almost the last picture of me with whiskers.

It took the barber over an hour for the haircut and shave. He did many passes with hot towels, shaving cream, oil cream, and the razor.

I'm going to create a video of the whole thing. It is going to be my next video story.

In the mean time. Here's a teaser photo:

From The Great Shave

Dave Ramsey on the Financial Mess

2008-10-01T15:25:00.002-04:00

Check out Dave's take on the economic mess: http://tinyurl.com/4rpuq9. And guess what, he doesn't recommend going into more debt to solve it! [Surprise, surprise]

Most of all, we need to pray! pray! pray! for our countries leaders!

Financial Peace University

2008-09-28T18:58:00.010-04:00

Dave Ramsey

I've signed up for Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. Dave Ramsey is a news radio talk show host who gives people advice on their financial situation. He teaches at big event seminars and has written a couple of best-seller books. He has written an 13 week course that you take, usually at a church but not always, with a group of folks like ourselves.

I'm not in trouble. I just want to make my money achieve some savings goals. For example, I want to do a very weird thing, I want to pay CASH for my next car. Dave says it is do able. His famous line is that "we must live like no one else now, so that later we can live like no one else.

How it works

What we do is each week watch an hour DVD video of Dave teaching. We then discuss the principles Dave has taught with each other. We are then given homework assignments. The thing that clinched it for me was this point from their "How It Works" page:

Beat Debt Build Wealth
The goal of Financial Peace University is not just
information - we're looking for transformation!
Financial management is only 20% knowledge
and 80% behavior. We help break the bad habits
that rob people of true financial success.

I'm really excited about this course. I believe it will help me realize the savings goals I want to achieve and have more peace of mind about my money.

The "Best" Way

2008-09-21T15:27:00.004-04:00

Vs. Getting Things Done

I have an illness. This illness usually results in in-action. It is something I struggle with and sometimes am successful in conquering and sometimes not. This illness is the compulsion to not do anything until I do it "the best way." This is an illness I have struggles with all my life. I'm in recovery now and I usually can get things done without it having to be the best. But recently, I've had a relapse in the disease. I have a lot of things to find new homes for. I have an inventory of Trudie's work that I know people want. I have a bunch of nick-nacks that I no longer need and have been loved in the past but are no longer appreciated by the present owner. I want to move on but I also want to do "what's best."

As I have said before, one of my new favorite sayings is "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing poorly." I still have times when I don't do anything but now I tell myself that it's worth doing poorly and I go ahead and do it.

Do you have times of perfection paralysis?

My Bosnia Video

2008-09-14T18:11:00.005-04:00

Digital Story Telling Workshop

I've been wanting to make better videos. I've known that good technical video technique did not necessarily make a good video. What makes a good video is a good story. This is an area in which I am weak.

Last week I spent three days at a workshop in Washington, DC, put on by the Center for Digital Story Telling. We went through a quick but intensive time making my first digital story.

I made it about my experience in Bosnia. Here's my finished story:

My Bosnia Story from Patrick Bartkus on Vimeo.

My thoughts on creating this

I had a great time making this video. I had great feedback from the instructors and other students in the workshop. We worked hard and we all came away with great videos. I already know the topic of my next video: My Beard and the Great Shave.

Your thoughts on this

So what do you think? I'm interested to know what you think about what I've made.

Mark your Calendar

2008-09-06T20:52:00.004-04:00

The date is Oct 5th

That is the date I will go to a barber shop and go under the straight razor. I'm going to a local barber that still uses a straight razor and he will do it the old-fashioned way. I've got a couple of friends who are coming with me to video tape the whole process. I plan on putting together a story video with the footage at a later time.

Party!

I am having a "coming clean (shaven)" reveal party that night. If you need details, e-mail me and I'll send you an e-vite with directions. It looks like it is going to be a fun party with food and games.

What will I look like?

I don't know. It has been since April 12, 1972 that I've been completely with no facial hair. That's 36 years. Hopefully, I'll look better. If I don't like it I can always grow it back but it will be a while before I decide that.

Rain, Rain,come this way!

2008-08-29T11:06:00.009-04:00

Thank You, Fay!

We got almost 5 inches from Tropical Storm Fay. The plants are much more happy!

Here are "before" pictures:

Here are the "after" pictures:

Beardectomy - Mustache Too?

2008-08-25T09:04:00.001-04:00

How Far Do I Go?

I've decided to shave my beard. I've located a barber shop that still does straight-razor shaves. I've got a couple of friends lined up and they are going to video tape the operation. But I haven't decided how far I will go.

Should I leave the mustache or shave it all?

Leave me comments as to your opinion and why I should or should not shave the mustache too.

Weekend Fun

2008-08-24T19:33:00.003-04:00

Downstairs Bathroom

I've had a bit of a mold problem in the downstairs bathroom. I had a mold inspector come out and said that it was just a little bit of mold and was under the limit for a full mold remediation project. He said that this was a home owner project. So I asked brother-in-law Drew to help and he and Millie came down last week. I took a day of "vacation" and he, John, and I attacked it. Mainly it was Drew and John. It was even less of an issue than what it appeared to be. We replaced less than two square feet of sheet rock. We had some awesome games of dominoes too.

Bosnia Video

I have digitized all of the video (3.25 hours) I took in Bosnia. I also made shot lists of all the different shots. Now, I need to make time to edit it to something worth watching. I'm struggling as to how to tell the story. But I guess that's why I'm taking the three-day workshop next month in digital storytelling.

Re-Entry

2008-08-15T12:38:00.004-04:00

Back from Bosnia

We got back from Bosnia a little over a week ago. We flew in on Tuesday (8/5) just in time to greet evening rush-hour traffic. The next morning I was at work. There has been much going on at work in my absence and now that I'm back I have much to do.

Trip Results

We had an awesome time there. We saw many sights and learned a lot of Bosnia history. The Childrens' Festival was a huge success. The kids had a great time and the Novi Most center had a great response. The kids had never seen such toys, games, and the bounce house. I'm sure it's being talked about for weeks.

Video Man

I took my video camera and got some good shots. I'm trying to sift through over three hours of video now to show how to make it interesting.

The Spiritual Journey

This was an amazing spiritual trip for me. I'm calling this year my "boot camp" year because it has been such an intense spiritual walk. Well, this trip was the 20-mile hike with full pack! It was very tough - and I'm so glad I did it.

Thank you so much to all of you who supported me on this trip. I had a lot of financial support but, more importantly, I had a lot of prayer support. I needed the prayers and they were felt.

Thank you!
Patrick

In Bosnia

2008-07-29T08:51:00.002-04:00

On the Mission Trip

We are here in Bosnia on the trip. You can read all about it on our blog site.

I'll post personal stuff here as I get time.

We're Leaving on a Jet Plane

2008-07-25T12:47:00.005-04:00

Off to Bosnia

Tomorrow we head off to Bosnia. You can follow our adventures on the trip blog site.

Prayer Helps

I've sent a couple of e-mails asking people to pray for me and for our trip. I believe it working. This week I've felt much more serene than I have been before. Thank you all who are praying. I REALLY appreciate it.

Gracie Cuteness

This photo was sent by Avery of Gracie. A grandPOP can't help himself...

With a Little Help from my Friends

2008-07-20T15:28:00.009-04:00

Barron - my friend
Barron has been around all through the illness and my journey since. He is an agent for artists so we talk much about music now and of music of the "golden era" '68 - '75. I go watch his band play at a bar-b-que and jive to the blues. Barron is one of the friends who have been a great support for me this year.

Anniversaries
It's starting - the anniversaries. This week marks the first anniversary of Trudie's first doctor appointment. The blood tests came back and the doctor said "there's something wrong with these numbers." - no kidding.

Good Grief
One of the things that was suggested to me when I first started this grief journey was to go to the Grief Share web site. I did and signed up for their e-mails. They send out a daily e-mail of encouragement to us going through this process.

Yesterday's message said in part:

Good grief is accepting the fact that your loved one has died, accepting the sorrow and pain, and knowing there is more to come. Good grief is getting through the days, the months, and, eventually, through the years.
...
Your life will never be the same again, but you will get through the grief. The grieving process is a transition into your new life.

"He will renew your life and sustain you in your old age" (Ruth 4:15).

This really resonated with me. I'm still in the middle of the grieving process. It's not easy. But, I will survive and eventually move on.

Avery Visit

2008-07-14T04:52:00.004-04:00

Avery Visit

Avery visited last week for a few days. But what she got done was so helpful. She went through the studio and got a lot of the cloth-for-the-millennium out of there. She also found her old baby book which we feared was lost.

Avery also showed me her phone which a treasure trove of Gracie photos. I got her to send me the one to the left. She is so cute!

Avery posts the latest Gracie story on her blog at The Blig on Live Journal.

Grave Marker

I had finally ordered Trudie's grave marker last month and they sent me notification that they had delivered it.

I went by on Saturday to see it. It's the first time I had been able to get up the gumption to go there. I couldn't find it at first so I had to ask at the office but the nice man led me right to it.

It's been a sad time for me. I'm leaning hard on Jesus the last couple of weeks. I know this is part of the normal grieving process and I'm glad I'm going THROUGH it and not around it. But it is not easy. "This too shall pass."

Bosnia

Most of you know that on July 26th our team leaves for Bosnia. We will be updating the Bosnia Youth Festival '08 blog to let you know how we are doing. Put your e-mail address in the side-box and you'll get updates to your e-mail.

What's been going on...

2008-06-20T16:28:00.006-04:00

Yea, yea, yea...

I know. I haven't posted anything in a L*O*N*G time. Like everyone else "... I've been busy ..."

And it continues...

This weekend I'm doing 24 (See NPCC Production).
[Update: The videos are HERE. We did the one “Space Colony M301″ (Gladiator as Sci-Fi).]
Next weekend I'm shooting video of a good friend son's wedding.
The weekend after that I'm going to Pittsburg, PA with friends for a convention.

Then I have a weekend with nothing planned [how did that happen? Let's see how I can fix it :-}].

Then I have a local gathering of friends.
And then the weekend after that we take off for Bosnia.
The weekend after that we come back from Bosnia.
The weekend after that I have another gathering of friends in Macon.

Did I say I was busy???

Charleston

In May, a very good friend Tim and I went to Charleston, SC. We did the guy-thing and went the Patriot's Point where they have the Navy ships. Tim and I climbed all over the aircraft carrier and the WWII destroyer.

We had a great time together.

I gotta run I got to be in Buckhead in about an hour...

Bosnia Youth Festival Mission Trip

2008-06-19T21:22:00.002-04:00

Short Term Mission Trip

I'm going on a short term mission trip to Bosnia. We leave July 27th and return on Aug 5th.

Read all about our team on the blog we've setup:
http://bosyoufes08.blogspot.com/

We will be posting things along the way and while we are there. You can subscribe to that blog and get e-mailed when we've added new postings.

Mossy Creek Spring '08

2008-04-23T07:43:00.008-04:00

Mossy Creek with Avery

Avery was offered her mother's old spot at Mossy Creek and she gratefully accepted it. I spent all of Saturday there and most of Sunday with her. I wanted to be there to speak with the customers who hadn't heard the news. It turned out to be more of a grief-processing weekend for me than I had anticipated. I was able to be sad about a number of things surrounding the show, the lack of my sweetie, a number of the old-time exhibitors who are no longer there, and others. I'm very glad I went even though it was hard.

Remaining Dolls

I also wanted to pick people's brains about what to do with the few (approx. 20) dolls that are unsold. I want to honor Trudie and her faithful customers in where they go. I got some good thoughts from a number of people. I'll mull it over and let God let me know when the time is right for a decision.

Springtime in Roswell

Everything is in bloom and pretty. (sarcasm) Oh boy, yet another opportunity to grieve. (end of sarcasm). The flower beds are a mess. Weeds are sprouting up everywhere and I am not a happy weeder. And the flowers popping up (all on their own) are really pretty. And it all is yet another reminder of Trudie.

Mission Trip

The newest adventure for me is that I've signed up for a mission trip with my church. Our team is meeting to plan out what we will do for the festival. We will have several meetings including a retreat before we go on July 27th.

I'm looking for some people who would be willing to be a prayer partner or a financial support partner. Send prayers to - well you know where. Send financial support to me. We have to turn in our money as a team. Make the check out to "North Point Missions" and my address is:

4911 Sturbridge Cres. NE
Roswell, GA 30075

Spring has Sprung

2008-03-15T17:13:00.008-04:00

The First Bloom

A couple of weeks ago I took this photo of the first bloom of Spring. It's from daffodils that we got from our parent's home in Oak Ridge many years ago. Trudie transplanted them to Columbia and then moved them here.

Since then, many more flowers are starting to show their colors. Trudie loved her flowers.

Vacation

I took a vacation last weekend. I flew down to visit Ralph and Valerie for a long weekend. I drove over to Kennedy Space Center and toured the place with some cousins. We were very lucky because we got to see the shuttle Endeavour sitting on the launch pad awaiting it's liftoff a couple of days later. I won't mention their names because one of the them had to call in "sick" to come up for the day. Here's a link to my web album.

I later got to visit with my Aunt Dot whom I hadn't seen in many, many years.

Then on Saturday, Ralph, Valerie, and I went to see a spring training baseball game. The Braves played the Houston Astros. The Braves didn't win but we had fun anyway.

Continuing

I'm keeping busy. I'm taking one day at a time. I am learning how to have fun. I'm serving at church a lot. Every once in a while I'll get ambushed by something that reminds me of a good time with Trudie and I'll be sad. But for the most part, I'm just doing what is the next-right-thing and leaving the rest to God.

Three Months Ago

2008-02-22T09:20:00.008-05:00

Anniversary

Today, 2/22, is the three month anniversary of the night Trudie died. I've been very sad this morning. I'm again grieving that the light of my life is now dark. The weather today is chilly and gloomy to boot (39 degrees F and raining). So I've been feeling and letting myself feel my sadness this day. I was told that anniversaries would trigger another "wave" of grief and it has. This too shall pass.

Sari Update

I talked to Charles a day or so ago and he says that Sari is settling right in on the farm. He says she shows a strong aversion to being in the house and she loves to romp around all their open land. I said that the aversion is probably due to all the time we had to keep her cooped up in our house while there was no one home.

He reports that they are extremely please that she gets along well their family members young and older alike. She gets along well with all their extended family who stop by to visit as well as all of their kids. He said she and the incumbent alpha-female have had a couple of fights. After the first fight one came away with a hurt paw and after the second fight the other came away with a hurt paw. So it seems that Sari and she have developed a mutual respect for each other and have called a truce. He said that Sari has formed friendships with younger males there and is just having a grand time.

I, in the mean time, am enjoying not having to worry about her needs for potty or companionship. The house does seem quieter and I'm adjusting fine to that.

I think we are both better off with this arrangement.

One less Volvo

I decided to donate the 940 to a charity. Selling it myself would have been a lot of hassle. And this way I'll get some tax credit when I file next year. Also, the charity plans to give it to a staff member who is need of transportation. So it really is a win-win move. I've not decided what to do with the 240 yet.

Mission Trip

I've been accepted to go with a group of folks from my church to Bosnia Herzegovina. We will be there from Jul 27, 2008 to Aug 04, 2008. The details of the trip are here. You'll be hearing more about it later...

A car that beeps!

2008-02-18T08:25:00.006-05:00

[paraphrasing Mr Miagi:] "one beep, lock on; two beeps, lock off"

I now have a car that beeps! My sister sold me her former car. It is a great car. It is a 1998 Lexus ES 300. It's such an upgrade from the Volvos I have been driving. I will donate or sell the Volvos. They have been faithful servants to our family now for many years. But, it is time to move on. When I drive it now I have a new sensation that I've not felt since I owned a 280 ZX. I feel pushed back in my seat when I push on the gas. WoW! And it gets just as good of gas mileage as the Volvos. Thank you, Millie!

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day was a rough one. I have had trouble the last two or three weeks avoiding the "sea-of-red" isles in the stores. It was such a strong reminder of my loss. Next year it will be less so. This too shall pass.

St Joseph's Letter

2008-02-08T10:29:00.000-05:00

A Letter expressing my feelings of the care we received

I composed a letter right after Trudie died. But just like Jesus says about plank in my own eye, I wanted to let it "marinade" and to clean out any of my own issues.

I ran it by many people and asked their opinion. Then I went into "I got to get it just perfect" mode. And so I fretted, I grieved, and I got scared. So I just put it aside.

This week I decided it was time to send it. Well, to he honest, I had some help from some friends who gave me a loving K.I.T.A. to get it done [definition: Kick In The ... you get the idea].

So today I made one or two minor tweaks, printed it, and now it is waiting in my outgoing mail. Is it perfect? Probably not; but it's the best I can do now.

You can read my St Joseph's Nursing Comments from Google Docs.

Relief

I'm glad to get it out the door. I don't know what is going to "hit the fan" but I'm not in control of that. I'm glad that I've done it and I hope it will help others who have loved ones admitted to St. Joseph's.

Dog Free!

2008-02-03T13:04:00.000-05:00

Sari's new home

Yesterday I took Sari to Charles & Erline's. They are the breeders that Trudie had found that concentrated on temperament rather than show ability. They had graciously agreed to take Sari back.

Good for her, good for me

It is really is the best for both of us. Sari will have other dogs to play with and people around her all day. I don't have to keep relying on friends to come and let her out in the afternoon.

So it is the best for both of us. - And I am feeling a little sad. She was a pain in the ass to live with. She was demanding when I did come home. She wanted petting and she wanted petting NOW. But she was very cute and people were impressed at her beauty. And she had personality in spades. So I'll probably miss her more than I anticipated.

What about Yoshi?

I've had a couple of people ask about what happened to our other male dog, Yoshi.

You probably remember that he was having a hard time getting around during the Summer. We were even talking about building a ramp off the back deck for him. His hind legs didn't have much strength and we frequently had to help him get up by lifting his hips. Well, when Trudie came home from the physical rehab after her back surgery, she was using a walker. Trudie could get around but it was very tentatively. A time or two, Yoshi could not get out of Trudie's way. He started having trouble getting up on his front legs too. He started to be a almost a danger to Trudie.

Trudie had a heart-to-heart talk with a dear friend and realized that it was time for Yoshi to be put to sleep. She realized that Yoshi had lived a long (he was over 12 years old) and had a happy life with us. I told Trudie that her safety was more important than keeping Yoshi. So I took him to our vet's and they put him to sleep. That was a sad day too.

Slogging & Decisions

2008-01-26T18:56:00.000-05:00

Fewer Things Accomplished

I'm surprised that I'm still suffering from "slogging." This is what I call not getting as much done on the weekend like I used to. Each weekend I make a list of things I want to accomplish like I always have, but I'm finding that at the end I only have four or five things accomplished. I used to be able to knock out eight or 10 items each weekend. Not now.

I'm getting better. I am getting slowly better. Today, I did a dreaded, scary (for me), home-repair job. It wasn't a big deal but it sat was square on top of one of my fear nerves. But I did it anyway. That's the good news. The bad news is that I didn't get much else done. I did get a pot of stew made and I vacuumed the house. I'm grateful that I was able to get done what I did.

Sari going back

I've been struggling with Sari. Three days a week I have time to be with her. But the four days a week I work, I hardly see her. And I still have to find someone to let her out for a potty break during the day.

This week I talked with some guys and now I've decided that the best thing for her and me is for her to go back to the breeders. I've talked with Charles and Erline and next Saturday I will take her back. It will be good for Sari because she will have a nice farm that she can run around in and other dogs to romp and play with. It will be good for me not to have to deal with the responsibility.

This has been a hard decision to make but I feel it is the right one. I know that I will initially be sad with her not around but I believe that I will soon be over it. Also, Erline said that Sari would not be going anywhere for a while so if I changed my mind, I could come and get her back. This is very gracious of them to offer this to me. I wasn't ready a month ago to make this decision when I first blogged about it, but now I believe it the right time.

Myrtles' Resturant

2008-01-21T17:01:00.001-05:00

Surprise Sight

A friend of mine saw this resturant on his way to Hilton Head. I'll let you know if I find out about where it is.

He met THE Myrtles when they were here for Trudie's funeral. He was very impressed with the group. So he stopped to take this photo when he saw this. Thanks, Paul!

Is That Snow?

2008-01-17T07:25:00.000-05:00

Surprise!

Late yesterday afternoon it started snowing. They hadn't predicted snow - I remember a mention of flurries - but maybe they did and I missed it. Well, there at 5:30 PM it started coming down. Big flakes of wet, slushy white stuff. I skipped the meeting that I had planned to attend and went straight home.

Beauty

It made everything look white and pristine the way newly-fallen snow makes it look. The landscape looked like a winter wonderland.

And then the sadness hit. I wasn't expecting snow to cause a wave of sadness but there it was. It was white and pretty and beautiful - and I couldn't share it with Trudie. I was alone and felt very alone. The beauty of it all made me miss a beauty that used to be a big part of my life but is no longer.

So I made a batch of comfort food - spaghetti. It briefly dulled the pain but it's still there. Oh well.

Sleep

I can't seem to stay asleep for more than six hours lately. I go to bed early some nights and then wake and can't go back to sleep. And then I'm nodding off in meetings. Hopefully I don't snore. :-) I guess it's time to start taking my St. John's Wort again.

The New Normal

2008-01-13T15:06:00.000-05:00

The First "Normal" Week

The beginning of this week was tough. On both Monday and Tuesday I had many times of sadness. I wasn't sure why until I realized why.

Trudie died Thanksgiving night. Then there was a couple of weeks of funeral, etc, hub-bub. [No, that's not a techie term; I just made it up:-)] Then there was a couple of weeks of Christmas hub-bub. Then there was New Years hub-bub.

This has been the first week in which there was no hub-bub. It was a back-to-normal week.

Except, it's not normal; there's no Trudie in my life. That is why I've been sad.

The New Normal

So, while I'm mourning Trudie not being here, I'm starting to build my new-normal life.

I'm getting back involved in a number of volunteer efforts. I'm talking to people about renewing their web sites using the new content management technology. I'm excited about this technology and am just learning how it works.

I'm learning a new production team position at the church I attend. I'm learning how run the critical video switcher. It is a great opportunity and I am grateful that they are providing it as a new way to serve on Sunday morning.

I'll still be able to serve as a roaming camera operator: [see photo to the right]. I've served at this position for four years and love it.

I'm also investigating going on a mission trip this Summer. I've been on three other trips but it has been a while. I also want to go with some video projects in minds. I want to come back with some footage that will get others excited about serving on a short-term trip.

I also decided to change the photo on the blog site. This is a recent shot of my mug. While I'm not excited about how it looks, it is what it is.

So I'm settling into a new life. I still have times of sadness and I experience them and move on.

A New Year

2008-01-06T16:00:00.000-05:00

Happy 2008!

Well it's a new year - whoopee.

I had a harder New Year's Day than Christmas. I realized that I emotionally didn't want to leave 2007. In 2007 I had Trudie. Now, in 2008, I don't. It's another reason to be sad.

I'm dealing a lot with sadness these days.

Small Group

Tonight, we are having our "goodbye" small group meeting. I'm leaving the group. I don't feel right in a group with a bunch of married couples. I'm very uncomfortable now around married couples. Trudie and I were the leaders of this small group. And, in it's own way, the group is grieving the loss of Trudie. But, I think it is time for me to leave. I'm sure that they will go on; Trudie and Patrick didn't keep the group together. But for now, it's time for me to move on.

I am starting going to a new small group environment with the new grief group at church. And I'll probably join a single mens' small group sometime soon. I've been part of small groups for the last 20+ years. I know I need men in my life to whom I can let down my mask.

A Female "Fast"

It has been suggested by more than one adviser to me to not get involved with any women for at least a year. While I can see the wisdom of this intellectually, it will be very hard for me emotionally.

When I was single before Trudie, I had many women friends. I enjoyed having platonic relationships with women friends. I gave them all up though when I committed to Trudie. She, rightfully so, wanted my complete emotional commitment. It also forced me to make better friends with the guys in my life.

So now, while my desire is to make new girl-friends, I am deciding to forgo any relationships for at least a year. This, I believe, will help me in a number of areas. 1) it will cause me to "reboot" my thinking on women. 2) it will help me develop a even closer relationship with my Lord, and 3) it will help me develop a closer relationship with myself.

So, while this female fast will be difficult, I think I will be a better person to have a relationship with at the end.

Jesus is the Reason for the Season

2007-12-25T18:36:00.001-05:00

Christmas Day, 2007

For Christmas, my sister and brother-in-law, Millie and Drew, invited us up to their house.

They live a little north of Charlotte, NC and it took me less than five hours to drive there. Last night I made us all chicken and dumplins the way Grandma taught me how to make them. They turned out very good. I made a mess making them but they were so good. Besides, we have a saying in our family, "He who cooks doesn't do dishes."

A Tough Celebration

This was a tough time for me; I've been very sad. The toughest part for me was wrapping my gifts. The wrapping paper is stored in the closed in which Trudie would stash the gifts that she bought throughout the year for various people. When I went in the "magic closet" to get the wrapping paper I came across some gifts that she had bought for Gracie. I lost it. It's hard to even write about it. I got through that and I got through today pretty well.

God's Gift

Then driving home today, I remembered that we are celebrating God's gift to us. Himself! As a Christian, I believe that on Christmas God became like one of us. God became man so that he could make a way for us to have a intimate relationship with Him. This gift cost Him dearly but He did it so that we could be friends with him FOREVER. I believe that Trudie is now directly enjoying that friendship and I too am enjoying it just in a different way.

So in Christmas, I believe that we celebrate that God has given us a wrapped gift. We can't tell what the real gift is inside because it is wrapped up as a baby. During His life, Jesus tried to explain what God's gift was, but few would hear it. It wasn't until Easter that God's gift was fully exposed that Jesus was who He said He was - that He was God - and that He had come to give men who would believe on Him the gift of eternal life and right fellowship with Him.

So even though I 'm dealing with my sadness, I can think about the wonderful relationship I have with my Father. He has given me a gift that I didn't do anything to earn yet He still has shown me His love by giving me Jesus' redemptive work.

But What About the Dog?

2007-12-22T14:53:00.000-05:00

The question of Sari

I said in my previous post that my five year old female Kuvasz, Sari, is my biggest challenge. She is very Kuvasz, very I-want-to-be-Alpha, and she can be very difficult. And she is very endearing. She looks at me with a joyous smile in those big brown eyes and I can't help but smile back. I didn't know that dogs could "smile" until Trudie introduced me to living with dogs.

I work a compressed work week. That means that I am lucky enough to have an employer that lets me work four 10 hour days. I am at work 7 AM to 6 PM Monday through Thursday. Add on an hour commute each way and add on an hour of gym time most days. That means I'm leaving the house at 5 AM most mornings. If I come straight home, I'm back by about 7 PM. That's a long time for a dog to "hold it."

Most nights, I want to attend a meeting that doesn't get out until 9 PM. Then I get home about 9:45 and need to go straight to bed. I have different friends who have said that they can let her out in the late afternoon for which I am extremely appreciative. But I have no "quality" time with Sari for those four days.

The other three days, I'm able to be with her. I see her all day long, we usually go for a walk in the park; life is grand for us both.

Also, I started thinking about NOT having Sari around and I surprised myself by getting sad. And I know that I don't need any more sadness in my life.

The Suggestion

While I'm adjusting to Life-Without-Trudie, it has been suggested that I not make any major changes in my life. The suggested time frame for this major-change-moratorium is twelve months. I will need much help from God to keep that suggestion. I've been relying on Jesus to this point, I guess that it will just be more of relying on Him again.

The Saying

The way of life I've adopted, has a saying: "If you're not sure about what to do, then do nothing."

So, I guess for now, I'll let things continue as they are.

How Am I Doing?

2007-12-18T07:57:00.000-05:00

Prelude

This is a follow on blog to the Bartkus Battle blog. I lost my dear wife Trudie on November 22nd after a battle against cancer. Jesus won. She is now a new bride of Christ with Him in Glory. This is a blog about my continuing journey in following where He will lead me. It has been and will continue to be an adventure.

Life Without Trudie

I'm doing OK. I had the week of the funeral off and now I'm back to work. It is pretty slow now so it is kind of nice.

I'm doing my best to take care of myself. I'm still keeping the H.A.L.T. (hungry, angry, lonely, or tired) at bay. I'm back to going to the gym at 5 AM three days a week. I'm going to meetings almost every night.

The house is a whole story in itself. Laura L. (Trudie's nephew's wife) came over Saturday with her landscaper-grade leaf blower and we got all the leaves off the roofs and gutters. She also made short order of the driveway, deck, and porch. I'm slowly attacking all the clutter. I've gotten rid of 90% of the magazines that had accumulated. Millie, Drew, and John took all Trudie's clothes to Goodwill for me. That helped a lot. But I also realize that a 4 BR 4.5 Bath house is way more than I need. I'll continue to SIMPLIFY as much as I can.

I've got friends who come and let Sari out three nights out of four that I work. That way I can go directly to a meeting from work. I think I'll eventually put Sari up for rescue. I'm not a "dog person." I like dogs; I can manage dogs; but I don't "need" a dog in my life. And taking care of her is a challenge right now. I am taking her to the park two or three times a week and I am enjoying walking the circuit with her. Making her walk at a heel lets the control freak in me out just a little bit.

In January I'm going to be part of a North Point pilot group doing the Grief Share material. They had closed registration for it but are graciously allowing me to join. I'm looking forward to it. I am definitely going through a grieving process. I've told myself that it's OK to feel sad; that's just to show how much I felt love for her. I'm leaning on Jesus when the sadness is strongest. He is stronger than the sadness.

I get to "work" at church this Sunday and after the last service I'll be driving to Millie & Drew's and we all will be there for Christmas. Avery, Lewis, and precious granddaughter Gracie will be there also. It will be a great time together.