Hi, I'm Patrick - a recovering Control Freak

Hi, Patrick!

Yesterday, I could stand it no longer!

I have done a lot of work about my Control Freak addiction and most of the time now I can just say "whatever!" But that doesn't mean I'm comfortable with it. I can usually now not mentally criticize how someone else in charge is doing things. And I am grateful for their service.

Now, I limit my expressing my control freak nature by cleaning. When things are clean, I feel that my environment is ordered and controlled.

We used to have a joke about how when I cleaned the kitchen I would deep-clean it to within an inch of it's life. Trudie labeled it "Patrickzizing" the kitchen.

So, yesterday I couldn't stand the driveway and house status any longer. I had to do something. So I got out the rake and the power blower and I blew all the two month accumulation of leaves off the deck, porch, driveway, and - just for good measure - the cul-de-sac street.

I also got out the vacuum and vacuumed the house.

And, since it had been bothering me for a long time, I washed my 240 DL Volvo (yes, in 45F weather).

Ahh! That feels better. Now my world feels more ordered, clean, and more controlled.

I'm sorry for my slip; I'll be picking up another white chip at tomorrow's meeting.

Venturing Out

The Old Christmas Creche

I dug out the family creche from our childhood. It's not in very good shape and the original cardboard box has seen it's last. The newpapers that Dad used to store the various wood pieces date from 1955, '67, and '71. I've not had it out in many years. The plaster figurines are very beat up but it still makes me smile.

Mixing and Mingling

Monday one of the guys from our small group celebrated his birthday with us and a bunch of other friends. It was my first social venture with a co-ed singles crowd. It was interesting. I kind of go quiet when I'm around a lot of people I don't know and I only knew about six people out of about 30 who were there. So I didn't say much.

I remember how being with other singles is different than being with other married couples. Not better, not worse, just different. I feel my socializing gears shifting back to a mode that I've not engaged in a long time. It will be an adjustment. And I've grown and I have changed much since I was single before.

The Next Phase

I feel like the next phase of my life is about to begin. I've done a lot of grief work in the current phase. And I will probably continue to hit emotional land-mines every once in a while and I'll get to grieve another aspect of missing Trudie. But I think I'm ready to put this behind me. Christmas will happen in another week. I'll grieve missing her for a little while longer but it is drawing to a close.

It is time to start to move on to the next phase. Going to group singles events is the beginning.

Nutcracker in House Christmas Lights

This is unbelievable. Watch the video:

Meet Logan, The Sky Angel Cowboy

This is an amazing story. It touched my heart and will touch anyone's who is dealing with a loss.
Enjoy!

Decorating for Christmas

Today I took time to break out the Christmas decorations. I knew it would be tough work so I got Uncle Bob to come over and help. He helped me setup the tree and to hang all my outdoor lights. He was a great encouragement and a big help.

Grief is hard work

Then I got down to the work of going through all the ornaments. It was tough. Trudie was an "ornament person." By that I mean that every trip we took, she bought one or multiple tree ornaments to remember the trip by. So I was sad going through the boxes of ornaments. I have my favorites but a lot of them are B.M.T (Before My Time). There were some very special ones that were hard to bring out and remember the times they represented. It was tough work but it is the right "work" for me to be doing this year.

It's been a sad day for me but then this is what I need to be doing right now; I need to feel my sadness and walk through my grief to get past it. I know that "this too shall pass."

Gracie Shares

Ahwww...
Avery says,

I took Gracie out for ice cream. She insisted on sharing with her teddybear.

Don't give up on giving

Give even when things are tight

Here's a great blog article by Tim Sanders about keeping on giving even when things are tight. I like the quote:

When you give, especially during tough times, you teach yourself that there is enough to go around.

Thanksgiving 2008

A Good Time Was Had By All

From 2008 Thanksgiving

My sister, Millie, and her husband, Drew, had us all to their house in Charlotte, NC.

My brother John and I drove up from Atlanta on Wednesday afternoon. So did half of Atlanta try to leave at the same time. A normal three hour drive became a five and a half hour drive. Lewis, Avery and Gracie drove over from Durham on Thursday.

Millie, Drew, and John worked all day Thursday cooking. The turkey went in the oven about 11 AM. The "cooked-to-death" green beans started about the same time. There was potato salad, dressing, sweet potato cassarole, cranberry relish, rolls and an apple pie to end off with.

I had a good time with Gracie. She is still in her terrible-twos stage but was pretty well behaved for the weekend.

We finished off the day with a rousing game of "Mexican Train" dominoes. I lost badly.

On Friday, Lewis, Avery, and Gracie drove back to their house. Andy and John did a minor house repair. Millie and I worked on her computers. She had a program on her laptop that would peg her CPU utilization at 100%. I found the offending process and looked it up on Google. Changing the service to start Manual instead of Auto fixed that. Avery was very grateful.

John and I drove back today.

E-mail error ends up on road sign

From the "I hate when that happens" department

The English is clear enough to lorry drivers - but the Welsh reads "I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated."

Be careful of the e-mail responses you get from your translation department. Make sure they are translating what you want properly.

Read the story at BBC.

Technology is great - when it works.

Anniversary Comes - Anniversary Goes

At the Grave Side

Here are the pictures of the grave.

The grass right on her grave is having a problem. The replacement sod is not doing well.

I think it is because, while Trudie was an avid gardener, a South Carolina and then Georgia Master Gardener, and she loved most all growing things, she greatly preferred flowers. In fact, she on more than one occasion stated that "She HATED grass." She thought grass was just boring.

So I think it more than poetic that the grass on her "final resting place" is not doing so well.

Of course, Trudie is not there and where she is I believe she has made her peace with all of God's creation, including grass.

How am I doing?

I'm doing well. I'm grieving and know that "this too shall pass."

Thank you so much to everyone who have been praying! I have needed and have felt your prayers. I'm at peace about where I'm at today and I'm looking forward to what God has in store for me in the future.

Holidays

I'm spending the holidays with my family. We will be all together and that will be a good time. I'm looking forward to having quality time with Gracie!